OK, I know now why I didn't feel that connected to my students this semester: because I didn't get involved. Last semester, so many students had so many problems that I had to get involved... but this semester, my students have been just very nice and have never complained about anything, so I really never had to talk to them a lot, about their semester, their lives, their classes, their problems and worries. And I haven't really looked at my students carefully to see what was going on. Yes, I have talked with one student in particular, and asked someone who was not doing well if something was wrong and something was indeed wrong but there was not much I could do, but that's about it. I feel bad about not being more careful, and at the same time, I realize that this class has not drained me the way the others have exactly because I didn't get that involved in my students' lives! So, what is the answer? I am not a shrink or a mother, yet I often felt like I was, especially in previous semesters. Is it selfish of me to keep my distance a little? Last year, in her end-of-year evaluation of my teaching said that I should get less involved in my students' lives, but at that time, I was teaching 50 American students and now things are very different: I am teaching only 14 students and their difficulties are much greater than those of American students! So really, I shouldn't complain! I don't know, this has always been my weak point I guess, to know how much I can do and how much I must let my students go through alone. I am feeling bad now, though, because the fact that I am an international student too should put me in a privileged position where I have the ability, and therefore the duty, to take care of my 14 dear students. Someone has been begging for help recently, and I haven't really done much for that person until today. I know I haven't solved all of that person's problems, but I also know that that person really wanted and needed to talk and our long chat today has made an important difference. How many other students are feeling like this but not daring to ask for help? At the same time, can I, should I, talk like that with everyone? Next Monday and Tuesday we'll have individual conferences, so I'll just make sure to ask how things are going and see if there are students who are not handling the end of the semester so well.
Well, this week has been going ok, at least for me, with this class. On Monday and Tuesday, I saw only half the class and worked on everyone's outline. It's difficult to know how much can come out of an outline and I didn't judge those outline well enough I guess, because they seemed fine but the first drafts, due on Wednesday, were just not so good. I have spend much time working on peer reviewing (and outside, because it's been so nice), and I wonder if I simply haven't been harsh and demanding enough, because those first drafts were far from what I got last semester and even farther from what I got last year. The information was not research in depth, the references were mostly inexistent and so was the reference list, the organization was ok but so little was written that there was not much to say, and overall, it was just kind of empty. It lacked enthusiasm and depth, as if the students didn't care about their papers anymore and had just copied and pasted parts from their previous projects. So, I told them that. I know it is very hard to find more energy to keep doing research and making efforts to write a good final project, but this project is worth 20% of the total grade! It is usually at the end that the students need the few extra points to get the grade they want and it is usually at this point too that they give up because they are so tired. Yet another thing to make sure they understand, next week, during the conferences. I put four final papers from previous students online for my students to read, three from American students and one from an International student. Those papers were among the best papers, and I hope they will be good examples of what my students need to do now, but I also feel bad because I wonder if I haven't simply been strict and demanding enough. I see that we haven't worked a lot on APA, I haven't taught anything about writing abstracts, I am asking for fewer and fewer pages and references, and in the end, we might have had fun this semester but have I really taught everything that I should have taught? The one thing I did better this semester than ever before was to work with outlines and, for this last project, to work with specific patterns of organization (writing a proposal, making an evaluation, and the classical argument form). This is something that I will do next semester with my 106r students, and in fact, I will have them write a paper for each one of these patterns.
Talking about 106r, it is now official that I will teach it in the fall. I have managed to teach three times a week in a computer lab instead of once in a lab and twice in a regular classroom, and I am not sure that it is a good thing, except that I don't have to build my lesson plans around computer lab time, plus we will have a projector (because it's a regular ITaP lab), which I missed a lot this year. It will allow me to put more things online and to project them directly from the instructor's computer for everyone to see, and we will be able to have student presentations too. Other than that, I visited the lab in which we will be and it has no room in the front of the class for everyone to gather in a circle, so it will be difficult to get used to teaching people who will be hiding behind computers. I might also be teaching 106i this summer, but the section is not full yet so it might still be cancelled. I don't mind either way, since I need the money but also need the vacation. It would be nice, however, to teach international students again, and the schedule is also very convenient (June 14 to August 3, which is when my prelim exams start). I have already been working on a
website for this class (the link might not work if I end up not teaching the class) and I am somewhat happy with the image I used for that website.
On Thursday night, I showed The Pianist to my students. I didn't expect many students to come to the movie night but there were in fact eight students, three of whom were not even my students but another 106i teacher's students. I have been sending emails every week to all the 106i teachers (and many others too) to tell them about the movies and to tell them to send their students, and obviously, no one had done it until last week! This makes me sad, because the students were obviously interested in coming and it would have been nice to meet new people from other classes and to have a larger audience. I believe that the movies I have chosen were usually good and interesting, and if I do these movie nights next fall I will definitely insist that other teachers tell their students about them. This week, the students really liked that movie, and next week, we will watch Gattaca, which is somehow cheesy but raises interesting issues, and maybe have a little party. During the movie, I was looking at my students and realized that I was the only woman in a room with eight men. Last semester I had 13 men and one woman... this semester I have 10 men and 3 women... my men... and I heard that in 106r sections like the one I will teach there are mostly women. This will be a big change. I have never felt very comfortable with American women; we don't have much in common, especially with people of that age. I remember my fist French 201 class that I taught at BYU, where I had 25 women!
Anyway, that's about it for this week. We worked on outlines, and first and second drafts, and I hope that the third drafts will be better. I will try to give more help so that the level of those papers gets where it should be and also to check on the mental health of all my students just to make sure they are all surviving! I hope that we can all end this semester just as well and happily as it has been so far!
